Ok. Clearly I'm doing something wrong.
I've had two people give me the finger, one woman tell me to MOVE IT, and a stranger ask me if I was crazy all within the past couple of days. And while the last of those things is painfully obvious, I don't exactly need it pointed out to me by someone I don't know. Someone who until that very minute, I had never seen before in my life. I might just add that this took place at the gas station.
I was having trouble pumping my gas. The pump kept shutting down and I finally gave up, and upon removing the nozzle from the car I proceeded to douse myself with fuel. I was cussing, I was pissed and I was having a verbal battle with myself. And during my episode I could feel some seriously judging eyes from the other side of the pump. A rather large gentleman was filling up his redneck monster truck just glaring at me. I smiled in an effort to lighten the mood and said, "I wouldn't light a match if I were you."
I know, not funny and really stupid, but at least I tried.
He looked at me and said nothing. I mean this guy just kept staring at me. I stood there entranced by his basketball belly and lack of hygiene and just waited. Say something, you big dummy.
Still nothing.
So I shrugged my shoulders, said WHATEVER, started to get back in the car, and as I did I heard him say: "Ma'am, are you crazy?"
It was a serious question, too. It wasn't one of those, "Guuurl, you crazy?" followed by a good ol' LOL.
He really wanted to know.
But before I could respond, he just walked away. Off he went into the mini-mart to buy his Turkey Jerky , shaking his disapproving head at me.
Umm, WHAT?
Am *I* crazy???
I don't know fella, what's YOUR definition of crazy? While I may have been talking to myself and spraying gas and desperately trying to be funny, I'm not running around in my birthday suit, washing windshields for a quick buck.
I'm not holding up the gas station with a BB gun while my kids sit in the car cheering me on.
I'm not even chanting to some higher power , handing out pamphlets, and asking you to join me.
Now, had I been wearing a Disney sweatshirt, had my hair in a banana clip, and dumping change on the counter for a six pack of PBR, then I would have been okay with his inquiry.
But I was just a chick pumping her gas having a moment of difficulty. Geesh.
Moving on to the next order of business.
Giving the finger.
I am a firm believer that there is a time and place for such an action. Sometimes giving the finger can be funny. You know, you are out with the girls and you see a super hot guy, so you start digging through your purse for your lip gloss, fixing your hair, and laughing really loud at nothing. Eventually one of the other girls will notice and say something like "Awww shit, there she goes, getting ready for the kill," or some variation of that, so you give your friends the finger. Hahahahaha! Everybody laughs because it's the truth. You know it, they know it.. You're a slut.
Totally and completely justified.
Or maybe you're in line to exit the highway behind the other 389 cars and you've been sitting there for quite some time, already late for work, but you're ALMOST there. Along comes the douche mobile, going like 100mph and weasels his/her way in right in front of you. Now, you have pulled this bullshit act yourself in the past and you're willing to admit to that. In fact, when you did it, lots of people gave YOU the finger. So, you go right ahead and throw that bird, my friend. It's your time now and I back you up 100%.
C'mon people, there's only so many times you can give the finger. I'm pretty sure there is some kind of limit. If you're Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez is giving you shit, the go ahead and own the moment.
Hold that finger down, the slowly move your hand to the upright position.
SAY IT WITH ME MY 80's dweebs:
"Can you hear this? Want me to turn it UP for you?"
Now THAT is giving someone the finger.
And that was exactly what I was thinking when the little smart ass neighborhood punk that was driving entirely too fast down my street reacted to my dirty look. ( trust me, there is a back story to this occurrence..people drive like uncaged animals in my hood, and it's jam packed with small children on small motorized appliances.)
He just went right ahead and threw his arm out the window, speeding up as he did, and dropped the finger bomb. I will go ahead and give him props for the ballsy move. It's obvious this young chap has no idea who he is dealing with, so good for him. But, my question is...did I really deserve it? Hell to the NO, and if any of you are sitting there saying in your sappy voice, "well, i don't know, maybe this and that...".go away, you're drunk and ejected from this conversation with no refund.
Episode 2 of "Giving the Finger" happened today as I waited in line to pick up my kids at school.
That's right folks, this kind of thing happens even on sacred grounds.
There is this whole system to dropping off and picking up at the school, and it's beyond frustrating, but so is the sate of NC taxing me when I buy clothes, but I treat both situations the same way, I do what I'm supposed to do, and keep quiet.
There is always a huge line of cars waiting to get into the school parking lot, and this line extends out onto the main road. Every single day this is the drill, but it just so happens that there are a bevy of residential developments along this road. Today, I was the car that was positioned at the entrance to one of those developments, but my car was not blocking anything or anyone in ANY WAY. A car pulls up to exit the development and has to pull out further than normal to get out, and is having a hard time seeing the traffic coming from either way. I realize that this is a sticky situation, but there are LOADS of cars behind me and its not like I can move. The dude in the car finally sees an opportunity to escape, and hits the gas, only to be followed by a very obscene hand gesture targeted solely for me.
Oh, I see. You're giving me the finger because it took you and extra 20 seconds to depart the neighborhood, as you had to pull out another extra few feet or so to see if anyone was coming. I can see how that would piss you off. I can see how that it something that has just COMPLETELY ruined your day. I understand your anger and resentment towards me. Screw me and my bastard car for being there in the first place. You go right ahead and flip me off, I DESERVE it.
So my question is this?
Why the hell is everybody so pissed off all the time? I mean, I am no stranger to having my moments of utter and total frustration. Just last night, it took me more than 20 minutes to figure out which one of the 8 friggin' remotes it was that got the television to do something besides say ERROR. I WANTED to throw the remote at the wall and give the tv the finger, but I didn't.
I mentioned before that some woman told me to "move it" recently. Mind you, I was in the aisle at the god forsaken cesspool that is WalMart, and it was really crowded, and she appeared to be in a hurry..but really?
I could have easily told her to go get herself a haircut that didn't make her look like a caveman, but I didn't.
I guess maybe I come from the frame of mind that believes if you're going to give me shit about something, it had better be valid.
If I cut you in line at the ladies room, when you've clearly been waiting forever, and it looks like you may have let a little slip out..go ahead and give me shit.
If I am drunk and disorderly and I bump into you and almost knock over you and your grandma while you're having dinner, TAKE ME DOWN.
If I steal your bike and you see me riding around downtown with a big smile on my face..kick my ass.
But, for the love of god...have a good reason for giving me some sassafrass.
As usual, I'm left feeling like I have not made any sort of valid point here, but so be it.
If anything, maybe it just made me feel better to make some kind of public service announcement as to how to handle your anger, and when it's appropriate to flip the bird.
I never claimed to be some great philosopher, or even someone who could tell a killer story.
Let's face it..I'm just a girl pumping my own gas, getting judged by beer bellies, and having young folks telling me through hand gestures where to shove it.
I'm living the dream people.LIVING. THE. DREAM.
Go forth and be mad, just don't target your anger at me for a day or two.
Thanks.
Love and unicorns-Jules
